Sunday, August 07, 2005
It's not all wine and roses...
I'm having a bad day. One of those days when you have an endless loop circling in your head, reciting all your deficiencies as a human being. I'm not usually one for naval-gazing; I'm from stoic Presbyterian stock. But sometimes you're just overwhelmed and miserable and you have to ponder why.

I don't blame Emma at all. No resentment there. I do realize that being on duty 100% of the time is taking it's toll, but hey! That's motherhood, shut up about it already, right? I just feel like I'm sacrificing all the time to keep my family running smoothly and it's wearing me out. This is groundbreaking stuff, I know.

The reason I'm having a real pity party is that I can come up with at litany of problems but no solutions. I could talk to my husband about things like getting some free time for me, but then I ask myself "what would I do?" I have no idea. I'm off work on Saturday and Sunday and I'm still on 100% Emma duty. M. works six days a week and when he gets a day off he can do things because I'm watching Emma. Does that sound fair? Should I complain about it? Well, it sound like a legitimate complaint until you realize what M. does with his "free" time is mow the lawn, build a porch railing to protect his daughter, or saw, split and stack a tandem load of firewood to keep his family warm this winter. It's not like he's sitting around playing video games. So I keep my mouth shut and return to default mode, stoic sacrifice. (Can you hear the violins in the background? I did mention this is a pity party)

I could go on and on, but I'm making myself sick of me. Sometimes Sundays suck.
Written at 3:53 PM by Highlandgal.
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