Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Mum's warning after baby dies
Stories like this are heartbreaking. There are just so many ways harm can come to a baby, no matter how many precautions you take.

I've only slept with Emma once. And I wasn't really sleeping anyway. She was sick. It was the second night of a terrible cold. Noni and Popi happened to be staying over the first night and Noni volunteered to take care of her so I could sleep. She ended up being awake all night, even though Emma did sleep some in her swing. Noni said she didn't mind, and I believe her because I know she'd stay up all night just to have the time with Emma (crazy woman). On the second night Emma could not rest so I brought her into my bed and propped her on pillows so she could breathe. I lay next to her all night but couldn't really ever sleep. I have a hard time sleeping anyway and I was concerned about my baby.

When I was in the hospital they brought Emma to me because she wouldn't calm down even after she'd been fed (or not fed, turns out she was starving). Anyway, I got her calmed down and just laid in the bed with her, even then putting 10" between the two of us. A nurse came in and scolded me when she found us. Once again, I wasn't really sleeping anyway. It has just been drilled into my head that it was dangerous to sleep with your baby.

So when I read something like this from the story,

She also said she had never been warned of the dangers of suffocating a baby whilst sleeping with it - an occurrence known as overlaying.

I find it so hard to believe she had never been warned.

Later I find out there is a whole parenting philosophy that advocates co-sleeping. It is believed to be more natural and better for the baby and the mother. I'm sure it's been done since the beginning of time so it makes sense, right? Advocates have fifty million arguements for why it's better, but they don't really need to press the point. I can see why any mother would love to do it. Except me.

I can't sleep with someone touching me. I need total darkness and sound dampening with earplugs. There are so many conditions which must be met it's ridiculous. I don't know why I'm a high maintenance sleeper, but there it is. A baby in my bed would make it impossible for me to rest. And...there's the risk. No matter how many ways it is good for bonding purposes, I could never get over the fear of hurting Emma.

I know many mothers who I respect and like very much who sleep with their babies. I envy their opportunity to be close and share that time together. I would never speak out against co-sleeping just because it's not for me. Likewise, I don't really appreciate it when militant co-sleeping advocates try to tell me I'm f***** up by not doing what they're doing. If you believe the risk it worth it then by all means, I'm happy that you have something so wonderful you share. Just don't try to make me feel bad because I can't do it. At least I know I won't end up being the subject of a story just like this.
Written at 8:59 PM by Highlandgal.
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