Friday, February 24, 2006
I'm no saint
I was rude today. I'm not going to try to whitewash it or try and justify it. It made me feel double-plus-ungood. I'll tell you why I was grumpy. I was eating lunch and I had to help someone. I was almost done. Just four more bites would have done it. But when someone needs help there's no waiting. So I took a swig of my water to wash down the food and went to help. But I was all "woe is me" in my own head. Now that I'm touching his things I'll have to go wash my hands again and he's been here for over and hour and he chooses now and blah, blah, blah. I didn't say anything rude, but I didn't make eye contact and I was churlish. This was the rare man that actually picked up on body language. By the end of our dealings he was pissed at me. But I couldn't stop myself. Sigh.

The worst part is that I can't get away with that stuff. As soon as he left I felt like a total dog, and that's unfair to dogs. I knew I had been rude. So, I picked up the phone and left him a message on his machine that I was sorry I was rude and that on top of it I'd made a mistake and I needed him to call me. If he wanted to call and yell at me I'd be there till five. Then I got the heebie jeebies. I was physically upset. With myself. I was getting the shakes and shivers. I'm a head case, I know. But, praise the Lord, the man actually did call me. If he hadn't I would have suffered all weekend, reliving my bad behavior in my head. I told him again that I was sorry and he helped me sort out my mistake. He was very kind to me under the circumstances. I told him that he had done nothing wrong and that it was all me and that I certainly didn't want him to feel he wasn't welcome to come back because that was far from the truth.

My job requires that I always be courteous to people all the time, all day long. It doesn't matter how I really feel. It's not that much of a strain actually. I was born with one of those personalities than can turn it on. But I can turn it off too. Which I should never do at work. I never get to eat my lunch uninterrupted, there was no reason this guy should have been a target. Thank goodness he absolved me of my sins.
Written at 7:39 PM by Highlandgal.
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