Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Lots going on in my head
I think I've decided I want to buy a house. I've always wanted to, I just never figured it would be attainable. And there was no real incentive to. See, we only paid $175 in monthly rent on the house we live in. Who would want to walk away from that? The reason the rent was so low is because the house is heated primarily by wood heat. Which means each summer we buy a tandem-load of wood, M. cuts it, splits it and stacks it. Then he stokes the fire all fall, winter and spring. When we want to go somewhere in the winter someone has to stoke the fire for us. So we make sacrifices for such a low rent. Plus, the house isn't exactly a winner.

Anyway, we just got a letter that rent is going to $250 in July and $300 in January 2007. Now, if we're going to be paying something more like real rent, maybe I'd rather take that money and build some equity. Based on our income, we won't be able to buy much of a house, especially in this area, where prices are inflated by retirees and people buying second homes. The bottom line is that it will take us several years to save enough for a downpayment, but the time to start is now, right?

On the other side of the equation is "are we going to have another kid?" Right now I'm losing hope. I feel like I want to, but I don't feel I'm getting a lot of cooperation in making it happen. Meanwhile, I agonize over it every single day. Should we? Should we not? I honestly feel like the constant agonizing is distracting me from full enjoyment of Emma's early years. That's not fair to her. Or me.

So it comes down to this...I think having a house or having another child is going to be an either/or. And that makes me sad. I just know I won't be able to afford a mortgage payment and the increased health insurance payment for a second child. The out of pocket expense for each would be almost exactly the same. I guess this is what "they" mean when they talk about the sacrifices you have to make in life. Which will it be? Honestly, I don't know yet.